... Of Advanced Maternal Age

12 month visit Height - 30.5” (73rd percentile) Weight -...

kellimatthews — Tue, 07 May 2013 19:59:12 -0400

12 month visit
Height - 30.5” (73rd percentile)
Weight - 22.8 lbs (46th percentile)

9 month well check. 28” - 40th percentile 20.3 lbs - 44th...

kellimatthews — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 12:37:49 -0500

9 month well check.
28” - 40th percentile
20.3 lbs - 44th percentile

Eight months old! Zee is rolling and scooting, but not...

kellimatthews — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 00:29:28 -0500

Eight months old!
Zee is rolling and scooting, but not crawling. He loves his walker and cruises around - until he gets stuck in a corner. He loves food of all sorts (thank goodness!).

He doesn’t sleep all that well. But I know it won’t last forever. I’m learning to cope.

He said “da da!” pretty intentionally.

He had his first wad infection along with a mild flu. No fun. But we all survived.

I guess I better start planning his birthday. It’s right around the corner.

Remembering the Right Things: This is My "One."

kellimatthews — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 17:54:00 -0500

Friday morning, 20 first graders were murdered in an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. Twenty six and seven year olds.

Eight of them were little boys. Just like mine.

I can’t begin to fathom the grief that those moms felt when they learned they would not be reunited with their child. The horror of knowing the tiny body was lying inside the school until it could be identified and taken to the coroner. The crippling pain that comes from thoughts of wondering what your child’s last moments were like. He must’ve been scared, he saw horrible things… did he call for me? did he say, “I just want to go home”? Did he hold onto his teacher, the person there who desperately wanted to keep him safe?

The shooter is the story in the media. It’s human nature… We want to know why. We want to place blame.

In my crisis work and in talking to people who have lost children, especially, I’ve learned that the thing they want is for their child to not be forgotten. For their memory to fade once the news cameras are gone.

So the call is to remember just one name of one of the victims of the Sandy Hook School massacre. Just one. Look at the photos, look at the names.

Dylan Hockley is my “one.”

This is Dylan. He was born on the same day as my son. The same day. They were exactly the same age. Bee also owns this shirt and wears it with pride. Bee still has all his baby teeth on the top, too, so he has this same, great “little boy” smile.

Dylan’s story.

I wasn’t sure where to post this, but my “baby blog” seemed the best fit. And I needed to write this.

My heart aches for the Hockley’s and all the families… and for all of us.

Basketball illustrated. Bee’s team kicked butt today. It...

kellimatthews — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 21:14:49 -0500

Basketball illustrated.
Bee’s team kicked butt today. It was awesome and exciting…. Even for first grade basketball.

Early morning

kellimatthews — Sat, 24 Nov 2012 09:26:55 -0500

It’s not THAT early. 6:20. But it’s Saturday and I don’t have to get up and be anywhere today.

It’s dark. Stupid winter.

I’m feeding Zee.

Bee woke up about an hour ago and he’s in my bed, too.

Mike’s been up for at least an hour. Maybe more. He just got back from taking the dogs for a walk.

Bee just giggled in his sleep. I wonder what he’s dreaming.

I hope I can doze off for another hour or so before I have to get up.

If this were Monday, I’d be heading for the shower. But it’s Saturday.

Closing my eyes…

First thanksgiving: sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green...

kellimatthews — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 23:03:58 -0500

First thanksgiving: sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green beans. It was a pretty big hit.

Some days I hope these moments last forever. Today’s not...

kellimatthews — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 15:23:40 -0500

Some days I hope these moments last forever. Today’s not one of them, but a few minutes of peace was nice.

Six month stats: — 27 inches (72nd percentile) —...

kellimatthews — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 11:17:57 -0500

Six month stats:
— 27 inches (72nd percentile)
— 17.14 lbs (59th)
— 17.75 in head circumference (85th)

Appointment was fine. He hated the shots, of course. Bee and I both got flu shots while we were there. Zee’s persistent diaper rash continues, but trying new stuff.

Over and out.

Hopefully Zee will be more of a foodie than Bee or Mike....

kellimatthews — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 17:39:19 -0400

Hopefully Zee will be more of a foodie than Bee or Mike. We’ll start with these.

#RealJediKnight

kellimatthews — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 23:43:09 -0400

#RealJediKnight

Milestone: drank out of a straw. Orange Julius smoothie.

kellimatthews — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 23:20:35 -0400

Milestone: drank out of a straw. Orange Julius smoothie.

Fall has arrived & soccer is outdoors. All bundled up for...

kellimatthews — Sat, 13 Oct 2012 20:42:04 -0400

Fall has arrived & soccer is outdoors. All bundled up for Bee’s game.

Lactating and Away from Baby? My Travel Tips for You

kellimatthews — Sat, 06 Oct 2012 19:21:45 -0400

I recently had 36 hours from travel hell as a lactator. I learned a few lessons (I did a few things right, too). I could go on and on — and I may in a later post — about how public spaces don’t accommodate moms who are nursing or pumping. It’s frustrating. Pumping in a bathroom is not dignified. It’s not comfortable. Working, lactating moms are marginalized.

Anyway, enough of that. The reality is that lactating moms have to travel and sometimes (gasp!) without their babies.

I thought I’d share my tips.

Get your supplies in order. You’ll need your pump(s), storage bags or bottles, cooler, ice packs. Put batteries in the pump.
If you can, take a manual pump as a backup in addition to the electric. Sometimes, the electric just isn’t convenient and the manual can at least give you some relief.
Pack plenty of storage bags. And if you have a carry on and a checked bag, put plenty in each (more than you think you’ll need). You don’t want to be trying to figure out how to use empty water bottles because you’ve run out.
Research in advance whether an airport has facilities to nurse in or pump and where they are. If there are lactation support rooms for nursing moms, they’ll generally accommodate pumpers, too. Very, very few airports have designated rooms (here’s a list), but also keep your eye out for family restrooms. Some even have a chair. What’s not awesome? sitting on the edge of the toilet in a handicap stall pumping. I speak from experience (are you listening Phoenix?!).
Think through your plan in advance. Just like an athlete visualizes the win in advance, so must you. If you need to pump every three to four hours, where will you be? Having a plan can make all the difference.
Get a waterproof cooler and/or ice packs vs. actual ice. Ice melts.
Be prepared for security if you’re carrying breast milk. TSA says it’s allowed, but you know it won’t be easy or without extended explanation/examination (especially if you’re traveling without your little one). I packed my supplies and my expressed milk in my checked bag so I didn’t have to worry about that piece.
Most of all, be brave, confident and determined. You CAN make it work. And remember, as my best friend texted me in encouragement as I sat in the bathroom stall pumping… only YOU can do this for your baby. It’s liquid gold! It’s worth it.

Travel Gods Turned Against Me

kellimatthews — Sat, 06 Oct 2012 18:50:00 -0400

Were the travel gods angry with me? Did I do something wrong? I was invited to present the closing keynote at an entrepreneurship conference in Fresno mid-September. My friend, Caroline, and the Palo Alto Sales Manager, Jason, were also there (Palo Alto Software was sponsoring the conference).

Flying from one tiny airport (Eugene) to another tiny airport (Fresno) is always challenging. Direct flights are impossible. Add time restrictions (I had to fly after 4 pm on the way home, for example) to the mix and, well, flight schedules are less than ideal… but let me start from the beginning.

This was my first overnight trip without Zee. I don’t remember when I first traveled without Bee, but it wasn’t when he was four months old. But my boys have a great dad who knows his stuff, so I wasn’t worried. Sad, but not worried. But heck! it was only 36 hours, what could happen?

Maybe not so obviously if you haven’t done it, but traveling as a lactator isn’t awesome. Ideally, one should pump every 3 - 4 hours. So, I packed my pump and a few storage bags in my carryon and decided to pack my small suitcase and check it.

I know you can take breast milk through security, but I can’t imagine you can do so without hassle and explanation. Checking the bag meant I could pack a little more and one the way home, check the breast milk and not worry about security.

I do not overstate when I tell you the world revolves around my boobs, what’s in them and how it’s getting out.

Coming from Eugene, my connection in San Francisco was very tight - about 40 minutes total. As I got on the plane, I texted my mom… “gosh, I hope my bag makes it.” I really never worry about that. It’s been a decade since an airline lost my bag. But I had a feeling.

Turns out my gut was right. Made it to Fresno, but my bag did not.

Panic.

I had a noon keynote the next day. I certainly couldn’t wear my capri jeans, tshirt and Nikes. Maybe the bag would arrive that night? the next morning? when I woke up the next day without no news/message/update, I was worried.

Executive decisions: take a cab to Target, buy clothes and if the bag arrived later that morning, just return the clothes. Mom called United for me to see what the status was (as I was en route to Target). There was no flight until 11 am that morning, which meant there was no chance I’d get my bag. But, United said they’d cover my replacement clothes and supplies. (A little glimmer of good news)

I asked the taxi driver to wait while I shopped. In under 30 minutes, I got two outfits, makeup, hair stuff and a small cooler to store breast milk. World record! Of course the clothes were crap quality, but they’d do.

With about three hours to spare I was showered, dressed and tried to wind down.

Oh, then the airline called about 10:30 to let me know the bag was at the airport, which was a relief. I used the last of my storage bags for pumped milk about an hour prior (the rest of the baggies were in the checked luggage). I was trying to figure out if I could use empty water bottles… and how to do so. But, with my bag at a known locale, accessible to me, I could stock up on bags before the marathon trip home.

The presentation went well… easily the best/easiest part of the trip. Whew. I don’t know what I would’ve done had it not.

Back at the airport, more jolly good times ensued including:

The ticket agents were unable to print a boarding pass for the third leg of my trip (San Francisco to Eugene). This took two ticket counters and no fewer than five agents to figure out that they couldn’t do so.
The coffee place in the terminal was out of the cream base to make a frozen latte. (small thing, but when you’re looking for something to go right, it just seemed like it was adding insult to injury).
Sitting on the edge of the toilet in the handicap stall in terminal three of the Phoenix airport pumping.
A delayed flight to San Francisco, making an already tight connection even tighter.

Therein lies the final straw. We landed in San Francisco and the flight attendants asked people who were either not connected or had time to stay seated so the rest of us could run for our lives.

I ran. Ran through the San Francisco airport from gate 77 to gate 93. All the while texting Caroline to tell her I was on my way!

When I got to the gate, out of breath, flustered and exhausted, Caroline and Jason were waiting for me. But remember the first bullet point above? I still didn’t have a boarding pass.

The gate was chaotic, it was clear that the agents were letting on standby passengers and the plane was full. Jason, bless his heart, waited, telling the agent that if there was no seat, he would give up his for me. He looked at me & said, “It can’t end this way.” The agents were confused by this offer and I was on the verge of tears.

As they called another standby passenger, I raised my voice. Yes, in public. “I have a seat! I bought a ticket! Please let me on the plane, I have a four month old at home!”

One of the agents went to do a plane check to see how many seats were left. There were five and I got one. We all made it home… it was close to 1 am when we landed.

I stood next to the baggage belt in the Eugene Airport next to Caroline and we both expressed doubt that my bag would arrive. When I saw it come around the corner, the only thing I could say was “Holy f*cking sh*t!”

I couldn’t have been happier to get home to Zee and Bee and Mike. I spent all day Sunday holding Zee (and taking naps).

I mean, who knew 36 hours would be so eventful?

Typical Friday afternoon.

kellimatthews — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 00:07:28 -0400

Typical Friday afternoon.

Zee goes to the beach for the first time. Bee learns to fly.

kellimatthews — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 23:06:02 -0400

Zee goes to the beach for the first time. Bee learns to fly.

Four month doctor appointment yesterday Height: 25.5 inches...

kellimatthews — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 10:44:08 -0400

Four month doctor appointment yesterday

Height: 25.5 inches (67th percentile)
Weight: 16.4 lbs (73rd)
Head: 17cm (71st)

He’s a big boy! But in normal range, says the doctor.

He had a round of immunizations, which he was very angry about. And has a bit of a fever. But overall, he did ok.

Rolling along

kellimatthews — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 15:57:50 -0400

We have a roller! Zee rolled from front to back today! A little late, but that’s our fault, not his. We’re not very good about tummy time.

Mama & Papa Bear in Full Effect

kellimatthews — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 13:38:03 -0400

… or why we’re “taking a break” from football.

Mike had been frustrated with the head coach of Bee’s football team, which is part of the local league of a national organization, almost since the beginning. His style wasn’t working with the kids (ages 5 & 6). The kids weren’t getting it, weren’t learning anything and it was clear who the favorites were.

When he came home Tuesday from practice, it was different. He wasn’t just irritated and frustrated; he was livid.

Mike saw the coaches bullying and picking on Bee.

On one instance, the 250-lb head coach landed on 46-lb Bee full force during a drill. On a second, he repeatedly kept Bee from finishing a play by blocking him over and over and over with the tackling pad, while other kids were free to run the play. The finally, in a drill that was not a physical one, the coach yanked Bee up by his arm off the ground until Bee’s feet weren’t touching and Bee yelled out, “Ow! you’re hurting me!”

Mike was an assistant coach, so he was running his own drills. But the actions were dramatic enough that he recognized what was going on. After the yanking incident, the coach and Mike stared at each other for a moment and then everyone moved on.

Mike’s reaction after thinking about it was that he should’ve said something at the time, should’ve protected his son. He thought about it all night. The following morning, we emailed the league leadership to tell them what happened and ask to be put on another team.

Long-story-short, the league talked to the coach and to a handful of parents and no one corroborated Mike’s story. I blame cronyism, politics and that parents just weren’t paying attention. The coach and several families are all neighbors and their kids go to school together. We’re the outsiders both in geography and lifestyle.

I took Bee’s gear back and the league is refunded our money.

I don’t know what we wanted the outcome to be… this wasn’t it. Bee was enjoying football (though he’s fully oblivious, happy and okay “taking a break” and playing soccer instead - in fact, he thinks it’s his idea) and I certainly don’t want him thinking he can quit in the face of adversity.

We tried to ask Bee about his perspective and what happened and he thought the coach had done what he did because Bee was in trouble. So we got statements like, “it was ok.” “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” So we also don’t want him to feel like people being physical (especially adults) is ok.

Both Mike & Bee were invested in the team and the process. Mike had spent a lot of time doing research about coaching little kids and coming up with a few simple plays that the coaches could try. He met with the coach before practices to share his ideas.

The coach crossed the line in our perspective - corroborated story or not. Sure, we probably could’ve handled things in a hundred different ways, but this was Mike’s call and I supported him.

We’ll wait until Bee is older and he can play football if he wants to through another organization - the local kids sports club. It will definitely be some time before we’re ready to put him back in pads and a helmet.